Lost Feelings

I'm new to the idea of being a therian, though it seems to really be the only thing in my life that does feel like it's what it should be. I've read around, and it seems that most of the members have figured out what their totems or therian sides are. I'm just... lost. I can't figure it out.
As a child, I was in love with horses, and often wished that I would wake up one day a horse. I was a little girl, though, and like most little girls, I loved horses. I've been around them my entire life, but... it just felt wrong to like them so much once I turn about twelve. I still love them in a sense that they are smart creatures that should be cared for, but I don't connect with them like I used to be able to.
So, now I feel like I'm lost. Like I'm left out of my body. I've tried repeatedly going back to the state of mind where I felt like I was part horse, but it won't come back. I know that there's something animal like in me, but I can't figure out what it is.
I love to travel. To explore. To roam around and be free of something. Randomly, I'll get this funny feeling, like suspense or excitement or maybe even longing for something when I'm hiking or I'm so much as looking at a picture or painting of wilderness landscapes. I can feel random urges to run for no reason while I'm just sitting there or even just walking down the street, or maybe feel the urge fight with or snap at people who are getting on my nerves (but doesn't everyone feel that way at times?). 
I've never been in a fight in my life, though most of my classmates fear me for some reason, believing that I have a violent nature. I really am a good person. I joke with my close friends that I could beat up anybody, but we all know that it's just me being stupid. People who don't know me, though, actually fear that I'll beat them up. Even if I did nothing wrong. I've even asked my friends repeatedly if I did something that would make people so on edge and they would always say no. I'm not even a scary looking person. 
Aside from being known to make people afraid or upset by things I'm not aware of, I'm also known for being intelligent and clever. People always ask for my help when studying for a test or working on a project, even if it is a bit begrudgingly. 
If there is anyone who might have any suggestions for me on how to try and figure myself out, please help me. I just feel like I'm completely lost. 

For those who think their therianthropy is psychological...


I did a forum post on this subject the other day, and a lot of people responded really positively to it! ^^

If, like me, you think your therianthropy is psychological, do you ever get the feeling that we're kind of overshadowed? As though there are more people who believe their therianthropy is spiritual or spirituality based? I think the majority of people see it as spiritual.

And that's okay. But sometimes it feels weird when a new therian joins the community and they immediately see therianthropy as being a deep, spiritual thing because they aren't aware that there are those of us who see it as a mental thing. And people on the outside looking in, who think we're all into this because it has deep spiritual meaning to us, when that isn't the case for everybody. Does anybody know what I mean? XD It's... frustraiting somehow.
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It became evident to me from the start that there was something equine and cervine to me. For equine, my three-toed phantom hooves immediately sent me down the path of the ancestors of the modern day horses; however I had looked afar for a deer species that I was, but everywhere I looked I could only find something within myself at every deer I came across. I am certain still questioning cervine cladotheiathropy and attempting to pinpoint a prehistoric horse species; however in my search I attempted to learn more about cladotherianthropy only to find information sparse at best.

Due to the absence of information beyond a line or two definition of cladotherianhropy, I have taken to writing an essay about the term. At this point in time, I have combed through the Awareness forums, a inactive but one of the oldest still standing forums and have found the name of the person who created the term many years before and their reasoning behind the naming of it. However, I have little else information to work with and I would like personal impute from others to what other information I can contribute into the essay.

So, if I may ask what are our thoughts on cladotherianthropy? What has been your experience with people who identify as cladotherians? What ranks of biological classification or similar do you personally find more acceptable for a possible cladotherian to identify as? (Only genus grouping or family grouping, or would a larger grouping still be acceptable?) When would you feel that someone should better identity as a polymorph/plushier (on with no specific theriotype at all) rather than a cladotherian? What other thoughts and concerns might you have with such a term like cladotherianthropy?

I would very much obliged for any of your thoughts.

- Pantairin
confused, shocked, wtf


Please forgive me for I am a little nervous. I know I can't see any of you guys face to face, but I still feel sorta like one of those guys that stands up from the circle of chairs to give their personal testimony at a AA meeting or something like that.

I'm Tyke and I'm newly therian...or it is just newly awakened. I was born and raised in the Baptist Church, so having such a path choose me is very overwhelming. Not everyone in my family is Baptist...my oldest sister is a witch, but she doesn't really know how to help me cope with what's going on with me. I've always felt as a kid that I was going to do great things and will be a strong leader one day, but this wasn't at all what I could've imagined.

I've been in the Furry fandom for nearly a year now and felt a strong pull with the skunk being my totem, even as a kid being large fans of Pepe le Pew and Flower. Never would I have thought that I'd have a BULL, by the name of Onus, wake up within me just before Thanksgiving. So far, I've seen him a few times in my sleep and I've heard him a few times. He's HUGE...and I'm 5'3" and 151 lbs. From the way he appears, he looks very much like a Minotaur...he could be from what I know. I've come to realize there's a lot of magic hiding around in this world.

Things started off simple at first, such as very low pitched grumbles/growls when something upsets me, in which I didn't start doing. Then other things happen like changes in my eye color (yellow), my scent changes, my voice gets very low and raspy, I start getting muscle spasms and pains all over, including massive headaches. It usually happens mostly at night or when I get extremely stressed (or sometimes aroused). According to my roommates, just about everything about me just changes when this happens.

I feel so weird talking about this, but I'm really hoping that there may be others that have experienced moments like this on here. I do have one roommate, who has a wolf spirit within her that has her share of experiences, as well as another friend who has a bear inside of him.

But, um, I hope this doesn't make you think that I'm crazy...maybe I am I don't know...but I hope that maybe someone can help me out in some way.
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New blog, and a writing challenge: Exploring the Mythic

scortum_lupa kindly said I could post this, and so...

Hello all! I've recently started up a joint otherkin/therian/animal-folk blog geared towards topics that aren't addressed nearly often enough, and generating discussion. It's called Beyond Awakening. The LiveJournal feed for it can be found here. I and hopefully some of the other contributors will be posting writing challenges from time to time, and I've linked to therianthoughts as one place to post response pieces.

As an example, here's the first writing challenge:

Exploring the Mythic

I've been thinking a lot about myths and symbols lately.

There is a long-lasting, prevalent trend in the therianthropy community of making a significant distinction on the difference between one's animal identity and one's totem. The basic idea is that one should understand their kintype as it actually is: shy skittish foxes rather than archetypal sly tricksters, family-oriented lupines rather than stereotypical vicious lone wolves, and so on. Many argue that as animal folk, we are akin to the real, physical animal, not an archetypal version of that animal.

I feel that there is a certain value in that approach. It's important to research the species you identify as: watch it move, learn of its behavior and habitat. Observe it in the wild or at a zoo. Volunteer with it at a rescue or wildlife rehabilitation center. Learn about what you feel you are; it may help you understand yourself better.

Yet I think this mindset has its drawbacks as well. It discourages exploration of the animal as archetype; it treats a more symbolic examination of one's identity as invalid. There's power in archetype, in symbol, in personal myth. It's possible that learning about cultural interpretations of an animal can lead to a deeper understanding of that species. Obviously you shouldn't rely on folklore, myth, and archetype as your only or even primary source of information on an animal, but it can enrich your comprehension.

One example of someone who has explored his animality both in its factual, literal form and in its mythic, spiritual form is Akhila, who maintains Thébaïde. He states clearly that for him, "being an animal is more than metaphorical" - and yet he also says that "There is Clouded Leopard with a capital C, and Raven from myths and tales. Sometimes we overlap, sometimes we don't; sometimes I'm nothing like in the animal folklore. . . But other times like now I can talk about what clouded leopard and raven are and it is both experience and archetype." He writes about being a liminal animal, and he writes about animal people folklore, and adding to the folklore of clouded leopard through his own experience. And it all seems to add to his understanding of himself and of clouded leopard and of raven.

Here, then, is my challenge to you: Explore your animality as myth and archetype. Read up on folklore, heraldic symbolism, and spiritual beliefs about that species. Think on what the animal means to you, symbolically. Try connecting with the totemic or spiritual component of the species if your beliefs and practices allow for that. If there isn't any available folklore on your animal, write some true and meaningful lore of your own. How does the archetype compare to the flesh-and-blood creature?

Then write about what you experience and learn. I'll be doing this exercise as well. I've never seriously explored rough-legged hawk, or hawk in general, from a mythic perspective.

CSI: Blood Moon

(Don't know if this subject was covered before or not, I can't remember this being discussed here. Sorry if it was)

So, the CSI tv show, thought it was not enough just giving its own twisted view on furries, now tackles on its own twisted view on Vampires and Werewolves. I stopped watching CSI a long time ago, so I didn't see this episode when it was premiered. According to CSI, werewolves behave and dress like bikers, growl all the time, break havok and fight the oh-so-elitist vampires. I guess the writers got their info from the Underworld movie trilogy.

I am still watching the show so I am still kinda in shock and I really can't put into words the feelings and opinions I currently have about this particular CSI episode. My only concert is that if I ever talk, in the near future, to a friend about me being a wolf therian, he/she is going to reply something like "Oh, like the werewolves on that CSI show!!" Sad.

(no subject)

I wanted to put this site out there for anyone interested: therithere.comicgenesis.com/

It is a collection of comics made for and by all types of therians, otherkin, etc. I believe it has been under hiatus for a long while now, but the comics are still endearing. It gave me smiles whenever I was feeling down. I'd like to hear comments and opinions about what you all think.

(I do not own any content or have anything to do with the site whatsoever, just to throw in a disclaimer.)



- Wiyaka

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A roaming dispersal wolf looking for a pack.

Greetings to everyone at Therian Thoughts, I thought it was about time I try to introduce myself. I'm no good at introductions, especially about me. But, here goes. :)

My name is Wiyaka and I am 20 years old, currently living in South West Washington. I am a Pan-Therian, but the dominant presence of my soul is that of Canis lupus irremotus. I know that wolves are cliché to the point of being a stereotype in the therian or anti-therian communities. I hope here everyone gets a fair shot of being accepted and not under hard scrutiny. If everyone put their noses in the air to everyone claiming to be a wolf-therian, how would you find those who are genuine? My therianthropy would fit in the category of spiritual, (not religious, there is a difference) but it is separate from a totem or spirit guide, it is me.

Only about two years ago did I find out about terms like furry, anthro, weres, and eventually therian and otherkin. And after a lot of reading and understanding what meant what, only now did I feel comfortable enough to try contacting others similar to me. I can tell you I've been Awakened, or conscious of this part of me for over half a decade (prior to knowing terms just mentioned), and I am still confused about odds and ends of this specific part of me. I would assume that many people would relate my therian feelings, thoughts, actions, my instincts, to mental imbalances due to an abusive childhood. I'm getting help for the residual feelings from the past, but both my counselor and I agree me being therian is separate from those events.

For small examples of what I feel, I've always longed to run on all fours (gracefully), and have impulses to relieve an ich through biting, or with a hind leg (without success). I've felt a ghostly tail brush against the back of my thighs. I smell and lick things subconsciously, forgetting I have the advantage of hands to explore and touch things. I can feel what would be a disheveled appearance of my fur when the wind blows, or the irritating feel of bent guard-hairs underneath my clothing. And anytime there is a distracting sound, I feel ears rotate towards it and I become transfixed on finding the source. More intimate or inappropriate feelings I've had, inappropriate by most human standards anyways, is the urge to mark territory (yes, what you're probably thinking), howl for the sake of howling, show dominance over someone, snarl at the unfamiliar, and even attack. I've done the latter and have nearly suffered society's consequences.

As for the part of me that needs to function in human society, I don't know where I'm headed. I'm socially crippled without good people skills, I have high anxiety and stress disorders/PTSD related to my childhood. I feel inclined to fall off the grid in the future, either short or long term. I'm engrossed with wilderness survival skills, wild edibles, hunting, anything that could help me keep this body alive. I do not condone this sort of life style to anyone. It is a romanticized belief if you think it equals freedom and life without worry, I know my risks of diseases and even death are serious. I'd be grateful to have a life long pack with me on this endeavor, but I've never read about other therians with the same intentions. Until I decide when to leave society, I'm a part time artist trying to blend in with the rest of crazy Western Society.

I hope to be accepted here at Therian Thoughts and maybe make friends.

I know my introduction may be intimidating, but online I'm fairly easy to talk to.

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