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04 April 2011 @ 08:39 pm
Hi...  
Please forgive me for I am a little nervous. I know I can't see any of you guys face to face, but I still feel sorta like one of those guys that stands up from the circle of chairs to give their personal testimony at a AA meeting or something like that.

I'm Tyke and I'm newly therian...or it is just newly awakened. I was born and raised in the Baptist Church, so having such a path choose me is very overwhelming. Not everyone in my family is Baptist...my oldest sister is a witch, but she doesn't really know how to help me cope with what's going on with me. I've always felt as a kid that I was going to do great things and will be a strong leader one day, but this wasn't at all what I could've imagined.

I've been in the Furry fandom for nearly a year now and felt a strong pull with the skunk being my totem, even as a kid being large fans of Pepe le Pew and Flower. Never would I have thought that I'd have a BULL, by the name of Onus, wake up within me just before Thanksgiving. So far, I've seen him a few times in my sleep and I've heard him a few times. He's HUGE...and I'm 5'3" and 151 lbs. From the way he appears, he looks very much like a Minotaur...he could be from what I know. I've come to realize there's a lot of magic hiding around in this world.

Things started off simple at first, such as very low pitched grumbles/growls when something upsets me, in which I didn't start doing. Then other things happen like changes in my eye color (yellow), my scent changes, my voice gets very low and raspy, I start getting muscle spasms and pains all over, including massive headaches. It usually happens mostly at night or when I get extremely stressed (or sometimes aroused). According to my roommates, just about everything about me just changes when this happens.

I feel so weird talking about this, but I'm really hoping that there may be others that have experienced moments like this on here. I do have one roommate, who has a wolf spirit within her that has her share of experiences, as well as another friend who has a bear inside of him.

But, um, I hope this doesn't make you think that I'm crazy...maybe I am I don't know...but I hope that maybe someone can help me out in some way.
 
 
Current Location: "Breathe" ~ Ryan Star
Current Mood: nervousnervous
 
 
 
mexwerewolfmexwerewolf on April 5th, 2011 01:14 am (UTC)
"Hi, my name is mexwerewolf and I am a wolf therian..."

Hi, welcome to the group. My experience with therianthropy was a little different from yours. The wolf influenced my life ever since I was a kid but I never realized I was a therian until my mid 20's. Wolf behaviors have manifested ever since a kid, and my connection to my wolf side became stronger with meditation.

I have felt very strong mental shifts (or m-shifts) like the one you described (muscle spasms, growling, bones shifting) but they never were physical changes. Like you, I can start growling when I feel a strong emotion, but I usually try to control them in the presence of other non-therians.

Hope this helps you. My personal suggestion is that: 1) You should start doing some research on sites like Project shift and The Therian Library to learn more about therianthropy so you can see it if you truly feel like a therian, and 2) Doing some meditation to try to get in contact and know more about your animal side.
Tykelbertt Abel Polecattykelbertt on April 5th, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)
Hey Mex. Yeah most of my shifts are m-shifts and the only real physical changes are the way I stand and voice change. But, it's definitely not easy to get control.

I've been trying to do a lot of research since this all really started to surface. And it was through meditation that I came to realize that his name is Onus, which I later found out is Latin for "Accountability/Responsibility." But, I'm still learning and still getting used to it all.

It's really hard to put everything into words.(especially the amazing feelings that happen when Onus steps forward)
mexwerewolfmexwerewolf on April 5th, 2011 02:32 am (UTC)
I know what you mean. When my wolf side comes to the surface, it is a very exciting feeling. For me, it is becoming my true self spirituality. But unfortunately, my human/logical side keeps "ruining" the fun for me.
Tykelbertt Abel Polecat: happytykelbertt on April 6th, 2011 08:00 pm (UTC)
I know that feeling all too well. :-)
furry1337otakufurry1337otaku on April 5th, 2011 06:06 am (UTC)
The other question is whether or not Onus is your personal animal spirit, or whether a "temporary" totem. I've been ridden by bear, coyote and hyena spirits, but they are not the same as what I consider my therian identity, but then, I'm a contherian.

The closest I can relate from your description was my shadow self that emerged as a separate entity because I made it into one through repressing the parts of myself I feared. I am now returned to one unified consciousness and learning to accept that all things exist for a reason. There was a line in Perelandra by CS Lewis that about summed it up when the main character realizes that there is a time and a place for Hate to be appropriate.

But my opinion from your description is that Onus is one of your spirit guides, and not necessarily your permanent one.

Fur, Fang, Blood and Bone by Lupa has a great section discussing the way totems change. Your totems are always with you, but sometimes you need one of your less primary ones to take the helm, especially to teach a lesson that is not to your primary's strength. I gained my shadow self to break me of my timidity, your Bull may be trying to do similar for you.
Tykelbertt Abel Polecat: happytykelbertt on April 6th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC)
Well I'm quite sure Onus is helping me to be more assertive and to be more able to take control of situations.

I'll keep what you said in mind. I know he goes dormant from time to time, but always seems to jump in and help "steer the wheel" so to speak when things feel like they're out of control.

Anyways, thanks for your advise.
(Deleted comment)
Tykelbertt Abel Polecat: slytykelbertt on April 6th, 2011 08:04 pm (UTC)
Yup, that's my wereskunk avi on Second Life. That was made before I started noticing my Therian side. I don't play SL that often much anymore, but I always try to when I can.

And thanks for the welcome. :-)
wolfspelt on May 19th, 2011 02:14 am (UTC)
I hope you'll except the welcome of a Grizzly bear, Gray wolf, and Dire wolf. I'm a pantherian, and willing to be someone to talk to without prejudice or scrutiny. I like topics that your human side might err to the side of caution, when your therian side may really want to explore it. I hope you find what you're seeking in this community~